Showing Up Authentically | Whooo Are You?
How do you show up in your life? Are you always authentically yourself or do you sometimes hide behind what is "socially acceptable" so you don't seem like an odd duck?
It has taken me 40 years - FORTY - to show up as myself. I've never had trouble fitting into a friend group, but with much reflection and personal growth, I'd by lying if I said I have never "adjusted" myself in order to fit into said group.
It wasn't until I started my personal growth journey that I have learned about my perceived "fatal flaw" of not being enough and how that has affected my relationships over time, both with friends and romantic partners. I have had to examine my relationship with my parents and learn how to "tune in" to my inner self. I have had to work on my confidence and learn how to speak my truth, which my friends, I still struggle with sometimes. When you are a reliable codependent, it's hard to just break out of that shell and become a confident, independent person.
So Proud of You. Now, Give Me Something I Can Work With...
Hearing stories about other people make positive changes is all well and good. When you are in a place where you so desperately want to make a change but you don't know where to start it's overwhelming. You know your life cannot carry on the path it's on because you feel off, like something is missing or each day feels a little too much to handle, or life keeps throwing all of these "bad" things your way. Like, how do I catch a break?
So glad you asked!
It starts with you wanting to be an investigator into who you really are. When I was in my 20's I was living the dream. I didn't have a care in the world (looking back anyway lol). Once I hit my 30's shit got real. I felt like I needed to be an adult and responsible and basically turn into my mother. Low and behold, I got married and pregnant, almost back to back. Life was great. This was always what I wanted.
I had NO FRIGGIN IDEA what I had gotten myself into. "They" say babies change you, but no one can actually prepare you for the changes that take place inside you, your mental, physical and emotional states, in your marriage, in your friendships, in your connections with your parents and the list goes on. I found myself spiralling out of control after the second baby, which was basically back to back with the first one. I didn't feel like myself. I didn't have the energy to pretend to be emotionally stable and "put together", or be the person that I thought everyone else wanted me to be. I lost the person I "used to be" and was reminded of that on the daily and I didn't feel like I had many, if any "real" connections with anyone. I felt so alone in every realm of my life. This my friends, is what rock bottom felt like to me.
The good thing about rock bottom? You can only go up from there.
The Top Three Things I Did To Be Able To Show Up As Authentically Me
I couldn't last another day. It was time to stop putting everyone else first and move myself to the top of the priority list, or it was going to be the end of my sanity, my mental, physical and emotional well-being. Here are the steps I took to start living and speaking my truth.
I invested in myself. I signed up for some personal development courses that allowed me to truly look at where I was and how I ended up there. I had to look at all the “shadows” that I was carrying with me and do some inner work to change my mindset, get rid of the pain and anger that some childhood “trauma” caused, cut cords with the people who no longer served my highest good and finally align my life to my values and truth. I stopped trying to justify my needs to those around me. I started the journey to building my confidence and being able to be authentically me and not be worried about the judgement and opinions of the people around me.
I did the work. I sat with the hard emotions every time I was triggered to get to the root of the problem so I could “fix” it and turn it from a trigger to a past memory. I started to practice what I so easily gave away as advice for others. I started taking care of myself. Doing a healing journey is hard on your mind, body and spirit. If you ignore all of the physical symptoms (headaches, body aches, sleep deprivation, to name a few), your body will eventually just shut down anyway so you might as well learn how to tune in and listen to what it needs and give it as freely to yourself as you do to those you love and care for. I continued learning about things that I felt drawn to, even if I didn’t understand why I was drawn to them at the time.
I found my tribe. THIS, loves, is probably one of the things that has saved my bacon more than once on this journey. By finally showing up, authentically, as myself, I FINALLY have found a tight group of women who I am 100% comfortable being myself around. They support me, and love me, without condition, and most importantly are always a non-judgemental ear when I need one. They love my kids like they are their own. I can call on them when I need something, and they can do the same with me, and we will SHOW UP for each other. Humans are wired for connection. Genuine connection. This, my friends, is the game changer.
Take ONE Step In A Forward Direction
If this has resonated with you but you don't know how to start your journey, I'm here for you love! I know how overwhelming it can feel. I was very lucky that the universe put a beautiful soul in my path at just the right time to start me on my journey. I would be honoured to be that person for you. I am available to chat. Contact me today. Sending much love!